When did Emily's heart start beating?
by Iwy'sAshes
Summary: My own Mercedez Bence spin off as requested, part 1/3, telling us how Emily managed to fuck everything up...dont think it'll make much sense without reading the original story but dont let me hold you back :)
1. Chapter 1

_Lots readers mailed me and asked for Emily's story, how, why and when she fell for Naomi. I'm aware that the way the sequel is going might be a bit confusing for you, but I'll try clearing it up in the next chapter. Until then, here's is part 1 of Emily's 3 part story. _

_Have fun and tell me what you think, otherwise I wont be motivated continuing the next parts. ;) _

* * *

"Hey, can I get you a drink? You've been sitting here all alone for almost an hour, I thought I'll see if you'd like some company." The pretty dark blonde about twenty-five years old shrugged with an easy smile directed at the redhead occupying a booth on her own.

Raising a brow the twin bit her lip, her eyes screaming that she was up to something. "Perhaps I've been stood up and try not to be swallowed by unbearable pain, which would make you a pretty horrible and rude person, pointing out the lack of company I'm here with. Or, perhaps I've been thinking that I wont give in that easy today and see who's really interested in _me_, instead of only fucking me against a wall as long as I smile and look pretty."

Throwing her head back the blonde chuckled, completely caught of guard by the no-bullshit attitude. "I certainly shall hope you were glaring at everyone for your science project then, sounds more promising than me coming off as a rude bitch." She reached out her hand and squeezed the twin's when it was placed into hers. "I'm Bex, very pleased meeting you."

Furrowing her brows the redhead shrugged, thinking fuck it, and let her lips form into an small smile. "Emily. After you'll bring me a new pint I'll be asking you if you come here often, you should get ready for that." They shared a chuckle and Bex went to get the drinks before returning and getting into the seat in front of Emily, even though the girl was patting the spot right next to her. "Sorry Emily, not that kind of a girl, you haven't even asked me yet if I come here often, how can you expect me to share a bench with you?"

The redhead let out another chuckle, surprised to find herself enjoying the easy banter with the strange girl. It had been quite some time since she enjoyed anything.

Leaning over the table separating them, Emily licked her lips and stared into blue eyes. "I apologise for my twatness, been quite some time since I tried to charm a girl. Might be a bit out of practise, but I promise if you bear with me I'll make it worth your while."

Eyeing the tragically sad eyes of the redhead Bex bit her lip, deeply in thought. She wondered why this beautiful woman looked as if she had forgotten how it felt to be happy. "Long relationship over?"

With a nod a breathy 'yeah' left Emily's red lipstick lips. "Almost thirteen years."

Bex gulped in shock of that sentence, she couldn't imagine someone that young being in such an long relationship, let alone live through the breakup. "Dont look at me like that, believe me I am not the victim in this. I've fucked up, royally, and now I've lost everything I ever had."

"Happened recently?"

"Almost seven months ago."

They watched each other, sizing one another up, until Bex nodded and drank half of her pint in one go. "Call me crazy, or maybe a freaking romantic, but you Emily, your eyes show sadness I've never seen on anyone. I know that's probably like off limits when you try to bed a fit girl, but I am _dying_ of curiosity. And you certainly look like you need to let it out, talk about it."

Emily laughed, humourlessly, and sipped on her pint. "It wont change shit, no matter how often I talk about it. It wont change the fact that I have destroyed six lives. Doesn't matter how I tell it, I always end up the bad guy."

Biting her lip Bex shrugged, like it actually didn't matter. "So? I wont try to take your side just because I met you instead of the other five people. I just think...that you deserve to feel it too. Even if you are the bad guy, you can still fucking suffer and you are, obviously, but I assume no one gives a shit. No one stops to take a second and let you feel it without accusing you of destroying lives. No one cares, the way you don't."

For a moment Emily was left speechless and she kept blinking with nothing to say, no one has every tried this approach with her, no one _cared_ enough. And Emily wouldn't sit alone in her bedroom feeling sorry for herself, not when it was her own damn fault. It felt like she didn't deserve to feel sorry for what she's lost. "Actually I came here to meet some fit girl to get laid. A night of raw, passionate sex."

Shaking her head with a smirk Bex gave her an 'yeah sure' look. "Nope, _yesterday_, the day _before_ that and all of last week you came here to find a girl for the night. Today, as you said yourself, you kept glaring at everyone and didn't put on your charms at all, call me stupid but I think that is a fucking big give away that you need to talk. Not even about that, that's just me being curious, but you long for a connection with someone that goes beyond awkward mornings and fleeing some girl's bed."

"And if I am not the girl that longs for connections and really just want to get laid?" Emily countered without missing a beat, Bexes' analysing was hitting home too close.

"Then you wouldn't have been in an relationship for thirteen years." Seeing the redhead shut up, Bex smirked suggestively. "I'll make you a deal, listen very carefully Emily, this might end as the best night you've had in seven months."

"I'm listening."

"We have two more pints each, take five shots, go to the loo and powder our noses with some coke my ex gave me for the night and then we dance, drink, have fun. At some point, the point where we'll be talking a mile the minute, we'll leave and go to yours, keep drinking and we'll talk. You'll get it all off your chest, and when you're done I promise you hours long raw, passionate, laid getting."

"What's in it for you?" Emily asked, genuinely confused. She was answered with a loud laugh coming out of Bexes' throat. "What I've wanted since I saw you walk in and target the blonde sitting by the bar last Wednesday...hours of raw, passionate, laid getting Emily. As a bonus I'll discover the reason for the sadness your eyes carry."

Clicking her tongue Emily shrugged, faking nonchalance. "Whatever."

It surprised the redhead to no end that she was quite enjoying her deal with Bex. They had drank almost every shot possible, from Tequila to some herbal stuff that left a disgusting taste in Emily's throat for hours. At one point they were running around the club asking people for nose spray because no powder would make it up their noses any more after emptying a four gram bag. Good two hours later they had danced like their life depended on it, going from trance beats to ballads they would shout the words along to. They shared some kisses after snorting another round of lines, after grinding and almost putting on too much of a show for the audience, and also after they left at three am when Emily almost beat up a girl for starting a fight over two spilled drinks.

On their way to Emily's they laughed, jumped around and kept talking to every stranger they met. "Oh my god, you're so pretty. What's your name?" Bex asked a girl who wasn't older than twenty, she was with a couple other girls walking on the same side of the pavement.

"Arsia, and thank you, I am flattered but also really taken." The young girl smiled and swatted her friend's hand away trying to get her moving forwards. "Awe, she's not up for grabs any more Emily. What a pity right?"

Emily shrugged with a deadly serious face, crossing her arms over her chest as she kept glaring at the girl. "Not my type." She spat. "Also, if you still count on raw, passionate, laid getting you might reconsider chatting up kids right in front of my fucking eyes."

Forming her dark painted lips into a shocked 'oh' Bex lightly punched Emily's shoulder. "How can she not be your type? She is like, gorgeous! Proper heroin, rock chick style yeah? And just look at'er legs."

"You're making her uncomfortable." Emily sniggered when the girl's eyes widened and her friends exploded in laughter. "And actually, she kinda was _exactly_ my type. Bex, meet an Effy wannabe." She gestured towards the very drunk, very cheap version of an younger Effy.

"What's an Effy? If sweet Arsia here is a wannabe I sure as fuck want the original."

Pushing out her chest automatically, almost proudly, Emily smirked lopsidedly. "Effy, love, is the hottest thing on this planet. She invented using shirts as dresses and was the first one who banned trousers from the wardrobe. My girlfriend."

"Effy Stonem?" Arsia exclaimed, bouncing on her heels like a little kid. Emily's brows furrowed but she nodded any way, if a little bewildered. "Oh my god, like, comparing me to Effy is so fucking awesome. She is like, like whatever she touches, _rips_ looks like fucking magic on her. Showed me how to make my own fishnet tights when I was little, didn't she."

"You know her?" Bex asked a little too loud, her own excitement growing and making her almost exploded along with Emily and Arsia when the girl nodded. "Sure do. She lived like ten minutes away before she fucked off to god knows where. My brother was dating her at the time, along with like, half the town's girls and boys. I think I saw her two weeks ago at Camden's High Street with a blonde. I was in my mum's car though, couldn't see them clearly but either it was her or someone who's a spitting image of her." Something seemed to pop into her mind. "Wait, you said girlfriend. Effy's turned gay?"

Seeing the shock Emily's expression showed, Bex decided it was time for them to leave. Before she could pull her away though, the redhead almost cried out a question. "Was the blonde okay?"

Bex saw the red-head's eyes change, they went from excited/confused to pained in a flashed and she could swear, it was more than only heartbreak. After Arsia mentioned the blonde, Bex had first thought that this Effy girl had cheated on Emily and had the girl think all of it was her fault. But now, the way her eyes and expression betrayed her and how she didn't seem to notice or mind it made her reconsider her theory. Obviously Emily held strong feelings towards the blonde.

"How should I know? Like I said a minute ago" Arsia huffed. "I was in the car, couldn't see them well, could I?"

Before Emily could have asked another question Bex excused them and pulled the girl along towards the apartment complex Emily told her she lived in. "So, Effy huh?"

"She's amazing, pretty fucking special, Effy is. Her mind isn't like it should, she's seeing, hearing and feeling things differently and has always to fight demons. But from the moment I saw her for the first time I was absolutely drawn to her. Katie and I were taking care of her, she moved to our street when we got back from boarding school for our A-Levels. Whenever she'd have another episode brought out by what they first thought was a psychosis, we'd help her. I'd bring, and do her homework, clean the place, make her food, just had the urge to keep her alive you know. Katie was different though, she was always more 'straight forwards' if you get what I mean. There is no sugar coating with her, one quality I hate and love the most about her. With Katie you get what you see, and if you are anything else than what you're showing, you can go fuck yourself. I think it surprised to me to no end when Effy, Effy who couldn't feel shit, decided she was in love with her. It felt off you know? I don't know. Of course she wasn't _as_ in love with her as she and we thought, it was clear that she would go for it and see if it'd work out obviously, but she was also fine with leaving it. And after we kissed, I knew I'd never stop taking care of her, protecting her, helping her stay alive. We fit so beautifully Bex, it was really like a fucking Hollywood type of romance. Sure, we fought like cats and dogs, we threw shit at each other, we cried and went mental but we always stayed strong because we never doubted our love. It was priority and we sorta grew into the relationship, grew up together. I was sixteen when it happened, fucking young for such an arse long period of time if you ask me, and we've had loads to learn but we were so fucking happy. All the time, even at our worst we were still happy that we'd had each other."

"What's changed?"

"Katie."

"Your sister?"

"My _twin, _yeah. Katie turned out to be Effy's everything, so much more than a lover ever could, she was her person, her best friend. She'd scoff if she heard me say that, for her _best friend _doesn't cover what kind of bond they had."

"Had?"

"Told you I've fucked up six lives good and proper, didn't I. Because of _me_, Effy's lost me, and she's lost Katie. The two people who were always by her side when the rest of the world threw shit at her and tried to lock her away so they wouldn't have to pretend being worried relatives. But anyway, Effy and I were living together when Katie got pregnant by a footsie player. It was a one nighter though, and she insisted on doing this alone without Danny, she didn't want this stranger to fuck up her miracle, the most precious thing she ever had and loved, Bence. I moved out so she could live with Effy, she needed her best friend and I was at their place all the time so it didn't make much difference but Katie's flat was too small for a baby and she couldn't afford something else. Our parents cut her off when she dropped out of uni and decided to blow all the money on a world trip. She was too proud to ask for a fucking quid afterwards. Worked her arse off at Tesco's for years to cover the bills and get food on the table for Bence. She was lonely though, not a lot of young, twenty year old blokes fancy a girl with a kid, not for longer than a night. Until she almost ran over a girl on the street. Her and Effy were driving Bence to daycare in the morning and a girl ran in front of her car to get the bus. My very supposedly straight sister was crushing really badly on her. She got the girl's number after they gave her a ride to her mum's pub she was working at. Long story short that's how Naomi came into our life."

"And you fell for her, right away?" "No." A gentle smile appeared on the redheads face as they walked up the stairs to her front door, walking up the stairs she led them into her flat. "She was perfect...for _Katie_. Bence loved her to bits, she adored him and she was crazy about my sister. They've always had a very rocky relationship, one catastrophe following the next. It seems like they just cant catch a breath. But Naomi stayed, in fact she's still with them and not only have they both graduated uni, got another child, moved here to London, they also do what they've always dreamed of for a living. At least Katie is, but Naomi is fucking ecstatic about which way her career turned out to go too. Katie's always wanted to own a store in Camden Town, selling, making, and buying everything she can get her hands on. Since we were in Germany one time and she saw a store like that in a part of Hamburg she's always wanted to have one. She does now. They went through hell juggling Katie's classes, taking care of Bence and keeping their relationship on track. Then there were both their shifts at Naomi's mum's pub, well Naomi was working her arse off when Katie was up to her eyeballs in papers and course work. They lived above the pub in a flat of their own, Gina, Naomi's ma, switched flats with them when they moved in, needed more space than her. All of it almost broke them. Financially, mentally, emotionally and physically."

Kicking their shoes off they slipped out of the jackets and coats. Emily walked to the stereo and put on some music while Bex lit a fag and got comfortable on the floor with her back against the sofa. "You got any alc here?" She called towards the redhead who's busy running her fingers over old record covers, undecided to pick one. She was in the mood for true music. "Yeah, just go to the kitchen and look above the table." Finally choosing Janis Joplin's Greatest Hits, a proper 70's copy Naomi had given her for her 24th birthday along with paying the bill to get her old record player fixed. The blonde had gone too far, appearing at the twins party with Cook and another bloke carrying two huge speakers, and a Hi-Fi rack bigger than Emily.

* * *

"_You cant be serious!"_ _Emily screeched with saucer wide eyes, staring helplessly at the huge speakers covering half of her sitting room. "This costed a fortune Naomi, I cant accept that. Katie help!" _

_But her lovely twin just smirked, automatically leaning a little closer into a kneeling Naomi as she watched her help Cook setting up the Hi-Fi rack. "Oh, you think she's gonna let that crap be anywhere else except for where she wants it? Deal with it Ems, Naomi's on a mission to break your eardrums." There was a teasing glint in her eyes and she dodged Naomi's half arsed slap to her calf easily, patting her blonde head which was by her hips. "Heard that, bitch. But seriously babe, tell her how amazing the records sound played through that system." Naomi's mumbling was met with an eye-roll from Katie and a fish like expression from the other birthday girl. "Katie!" _

"_All right, all right" The twin huffed, mockingly rolling her eyes again before she turned serious,"It's true though, she's tried it all out at home and I've never liked ACDC as much as then. It does sound fucking brilliant, you'll be well thankful when you hear what else she got you." Just when Emily wanted to blurt out how she couldn't take any more gifts from the blonde, Naomi got to her feet after Cook put his thumbs up, and placed a record on top of the turntable. She was grinning like a naughty kid when she turned back to the twins, almost bouncing on the spot of excitement. _

" Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train_  
_And I's feeling nearly as faded as my jeans._  
_Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained,_  
_It rode us all the way to New Orleans._"_

"_Happy 24th birthday Fitchy," Naomi mumbled into Emily's neck when she had attacked her in the kitchen a couple hours later, finally it was her turn to congratulate her friend. Sadly there were so many people who wanted her attention that Emily hadn't had much time left to spend with the blonde, her sister or her girlfriend. They were around and involved into everything but it wasn't like they'd stand and chat all night. "wish you at least four more of them, got loads of brill ideas which records I wanna give you." Drunk, with pills and powder running where her blood should, Emily was staring at the blonde gob smacked, speechless. She was wearing a white vest, her tanned skin a great contrast to it and the loose black calf long sport shorts she'd changed into after spilling Bacardi all over her dress,fit her better than anything Emily's ever seen her in. Combined with her messy locks, every trace of the fancy hairdo she's arrived with long gone made the twin almost recoil, had Naomi always looked that effortlessly pretty? Her big, blue-grey eyes were shining and they were glassy, huge pupils, giving them an almost beaming effect. "What?" Naomi grinned at the staring twin, staring to rub her face in fear of something sticking to it, or drugs included sweat. Wiping the spot under her nose like crazy she giggled. Emily took a hold of her hands and smiled gently, shaking her head. "You look fine." _

* * *

Listening to old records and talking a mile the minute the girls were sitting on the floor, smoking. "That's the first time you realised that you'd like to bang her?"

Tutting Emily rolled her eyes, mumbling into her beer. "It wasn't like that...I had no idea, Effy figured it out."

"You had no idea? Girl, you've been perving on her then, like, ready to throw her against a" Brown eyes widened in shock and Emily clamped her hand over Bexes' mouth, stopping her from finishing the sentence. "You cant say it like that, it sounds dirty."

"Babe, it _is_ dirty. She's your twin's lover."

"She's sooo much more." She sighed and rubbed her hands on her thighs, her jaw clenching like every time when she was on amphetamine. "You have no idea."

"Well, if you want to get into my knickers any time soon you should start from the beginning babes. I'm well curious and ready to write poems about her, she's like this beautiful myth right now so you better spill before I go looking for her out of curiosity." With a giggle Emily remembered back, her high mind allowing her to remember every detail without making her feel like dying.

* * *

_The day they met up at the park with Naomi for the first time/ time lapses to the pasts past _

* * *

_As every week, Emily was wiping the last table with a smile, in her mind she was already at the playground playing with her nephew. Effy had texted her, saying that she was going to be late and that Katie would pick Emily up from work. Not even that could darken the good mood she was in. _

_Her sister, Katie Fitch had it bad for a girl and that was a serious reason to walk around smiling like a monk. _

_Katie was, Emily thought for the correct adjective to describe her difficult sister who had a heart made of pure gold, **difficult**. Yes, difficult fitted her twin quite nicely. They had always been close, ever since their parents got them their own rooms, they'd often sleep together in one of them. Later, when they were shipped off to a catholic boarding school, right after they turned nine, they had a stronger bond than ever before. They hadn't shared a room, or even wing at school, making it all the more important and fun to hang around each other. They had each their own group of mates, especially as teenagers, but always found a common ground. _

_When Emily had decided to crawl out of that closet she so desperately tried to hide in, Katie had been great. She had been aware of her sister's sexual preferences long before Emily could have suspected anything, apparently everyone was let in into that big secret except for Emily herself. When it happened, when **Effy had happened**, everything changed and all of them had to get used to this new situation as it was different to what they were used and quite difficult not to forget that Katie needed her sister as well as her best friend too. They needed some time to figure out the best way to deal with it, but in the end they were better than ever. _

_One time, at some random kid's party at boarding school, Emily caught her twin getting quite, **cosy** with another student, Ashley. She had always suspected there could had happened more than just a couple weeks of innocent teenage love if their parents hadn't decided they needed to attend college back home or at least in Brighton. _

_Katie had cried, she hadn't cried for a good friend she was going to miss, she had cried for almost four months over a love she had missed out on. _

_After that, girls were out of question for the always skankier getting teenager, who was busy whoring her way through Bristol's beds. _

* * *

"Wow, she sounds lovely." Bex commented with a lopsided grin and twinkling eyes, showing Emily that Katie sounded everything but lovely in the story. Slapping her thigh the twin rolled her eyes and defended her obnoxious sister. "She's got the biggest heart, Bex, and Katie is one of the few who don't cover up, she is what she is and she is fucking brilliant at it."

* * *

_One big thing followed the next, and Emily had forgotten to see how lonely her sister was. First there were only hook ups, week long affairs and one nighties, then there was Danny and then, then Bence. It didn't get better, it went all tits up where Katie's love life was concerned. She had met quite a few nice blokes, some stayed for months, others fucked off silently in the morning when they heard the baby wake up, but in the end Katie was left alone. _

_So when Emily had gotten home (to Effy and Katie's) after her arse long shift that night after Katie had met Naomi, her face broke out in a huge smile seeing her sister. _

_Katie had been blushing furiously, sitting on their kitchen counter with Effy and Bence pointing fingers at her and dancing, chanting; "Ma loves Naomi", "Ma wants to kiss Naomi", "Ma wants Naomi's babies" and so on. Emily had raised a brow and chuckled, getting in line with her girlfriend and nephew to tease her obviously guilty sister after she planted a soft kiss on Effy's sweet lips. "Who's Naomi then?" _

"_Naomi, my love, is a girl your sister wants to B.A.N.G.." Effy had answered with a shit eating grin, spelling out the last word so Bence wouldn't understand. _

_Sure, they cursed around him, but the occasional fuck stood in no comparison to mama wants to bang Naomi. "She does, huh? Hot, Katie, I'm impressed, where'd you find her? She hot? I bet she's got a killer pair o S." _

_Katie's foot met Emily's stomach hard as she swung it. "You're such a bloke." The embarrassed twin muttered, the blush still covering her neck. After some more teasing and blackmail she finally relented and mumbled her response. "Fine, if you must know you horny bitch, I found her in front of my car, that stupid skank almost made me run her over." _

"_She hot?" Emily wriggled her brows at the same time as Effy smirked knowingly, making Katie groan. " Yes, I guess she's **kinda** hot. If you're into dumb blonde's who run across the streets without looking and then stare at you like monks then yes, she's hot. And for your information; I have no idea how her rack is, haven't looked, have I? And I **wont** so shut your mouths already, I'm not calling her." Jumping off the counter she threw her hand up in frustration. "You're so infuriating. God, don't you have a fucking life?" _

_Emily thought that this Naomi was going to be nothing but a nice distant memory for Katie because her sister was deadly serious about not calling her. So her brows almost vanished when a second text followed the original one, this one sent by her panicked sister, stating that Katie's needed to call Naomi, that she would go mad if she didn't and that she was on her way to pick Emily up so she'd slap that idea out of her head._

* * *

"So you knew about Naomi but didn't think she'd last?"

"Hell no. Katie was moping around for fucking weeks but I was sure she'd never call. She did though, and I think that call has changed our fucking lives without us knowing."

"I bet. You went to meet her then?"

"Yeah. But that comes later. First she picked me up so I'd get the idea out of her head, knock it down til she would be thinking Naomi wasn't worth her time."

* * *

"_I'm off for today." Emily smiled at her boss, Jeff, and went to change out of her black uniform. She smoked a fag outside while waiting and before she could finish it, Katie was honking the poor neighbourhood down. "All right, all right. I **have** eyes, I can fucking see you, yeah? Stop being embarrassing." Emily glared at her still honking sister. _

_It was hell, watching Katie pace around the kitchen, which wasn't that big to begin with, with the phone clutched to her chest. "Kay, we're watching the phone for almost an hour now. Why don't you just call her?" _

_Brown eyes, an identical mirror image of hers, turned and flashed in anger. "Because Emily, that's not something I should do, is it? Yeah she's well fit, but then what? You have no fucking idea. Have you ever lived through heartbreak or even loneliness? No, because as soon as you discovered what the world knew from the start, that you're the queen of pussies, you've found the perfect pussy and haven't let go yet." Manicured fingers dragged through messy hair. "I'm scared." _

_Sighing Emily decided to let all the insults her sister so freely fired pass, she was right after all and worse, she was really trying to overcome her fear of pain and rejection. So, a couple well formed sentences, wisely used words and phrases and they were sat in the car on their way to the park to meet Naomi. _

* * *

"She called then?"

"Yes." Rolling a bill Emily leaned down and snorted four lines, throwing her head back with a grimace. She hated the taste of powder running down her throat. Bex wanted to know if Naomi had been 'game' when her sister called her up. "Oh fuck yes, she made a total twat out of herself, god she's so fucking awkward when she meets people." A gentle smile was playing on her lips of its own, betraying the harsh words she tried to spit out. "Emily, you don't have to pretend, okay? Not with me, I don't care. You can care about her, you can feel for her, and you can fucking swoon, that's what you've been doing anyway. So just go with it."

* * *

_They drove in silence, only Bence was entertaining them with his cute little baby words. Katie was nervous, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and looking around wildly, while Emily just observed the uncommon behaviour with a confused expression. She had never seen her sister that way before. "Are you okay?" She asked gently but Katie shook her head. "No, think I should cancel? I mean, fine lets say we get on yeah? Tomorrow she'll fuck off any way, or the first time Bence burbs on her. Lets face it, I'm no girlfriend material, not even hook up material any more." _

"_Shut up Katie, you know that's not true. You just haven't found the right person yet, get a bit faith, be brave for once in your life, and you'll see everything will work out perfectly."_

_Minutes later Katie was playing catch with Bence on the grass, while Emily simply sat there enjoying the afternoon sun. Her eyes widened when she saw a blonde girl, that wasn't unusual, but her sister in a ducked position, running right into her was. _

_Emily got to her feet in a flash and tried to get there as fast as possible, before Katie could harm the stranger for being knocked to the ground by Katie. Yes, that was the logic the older twin thought was correct. Running towards them, Emily had to blink twice as she got to see the blonde's face, it was beautiful. A beautiful woman was staring at her sister like she was mesmerised, that was a reason to worry because Katie wasn't that keen on girls hitting on her. _

_So, with a hiss Emily tried to get her sister's attention before she could rip the girl apart. "Katie, fuck's sake, I told you thousand times to fucking stop running into people!"_

_Katie shook her head and composed herself before letting go of the blonde's forearms. "Are you all right?" Asked Emily with a frown and pushed Katie out of the way to get a better look at the beautiful blonde. "Sorry about her. She thinks the world revolves around her. Are you hurt?" The girl coughed before answering with a friendly smile. "No, I'm fine. I'm _

_Naomi. You must be Emily." _

* * *

Laughing, Bex clapped her hands and bounced around on her butt. "Oh my god, there! That's when you decided you wanted to play hide and seek with her."

With a groan Emily buried her head between her up bend knees. "Dont talk like that, it's embarrassing."

"Fine, that's the time you realised you've been with the wrong girl forever."

"No." Emily's voice was firm and she was as sincere as she could, it was the truth after all. "I was never with the wrong girl, Bex and I might be high as a fucking kight right now but if you say another nasty thing about Effy I'll kick you out after punching that smirk off your face."

It was a split-second full of tension and aggressions but eventually Bex nodded, promising to stop talking badly about Emily's ex. "Sorry Bex, it just...it's hard not to start screaming with blazing guns when someone says something bad about her. For the bigger part of the life I remember it's been my job to protect her, cant shut it off just like that." She smiled apologetically, not wanting to get into a fight with the girl she'd like to fuck later. "Forgive me?" She was leaning up and smirked when a eye-rolling kiss was placed upon her lips. "I will, but only if you tell me what's been running through your mind when you talked to Naomi for the first time."

Chuckling, Emily responded, stroking her fingers over the girl's slender neck. When she was high she always got quite touchy feely. "Back then I was just looking at a beautiful girl who was fascinated by my sister. A really gorgeous girl but I didn't have any weird thoughts if you mean that."

* * *

_Shaking Emily's hand, Naomi risked a look at Katie. _

_She was looking at her outfit, making Katie glare as she thought Naomi didn't like what she was wearing. Even though the new girl grinned after her eyes landed on the beat up Chuck's on Katie's feet._

_"What? I need to have comfortable shoes when I'm playing with Bence, yeah? Can't fucking break my feet running around in high heels. Sorry if that's not enough girly shit for you but you don't look like you've made that much of an effort either." Emily's eyes widened amusingly in horror after realizing that Naomi was actually Katie's date and the horrible way her sister talked to her to. "Oh my god, Katie shut the fuck up, will you? You'll make her leave!" Emily hissed and elbowed Katie._

_She was scared the pretty girl would run away screaming murder if Katie wouldn't stop being a bitch. _

_"I didn't say anything about your Chucks, did I? I like them. I was just surprised about you being comfortable enough to meet me like this. And that's a very good thing Katiekins." Emily smirked at a grinning Naomi, who was obviously checking out her sister and had the proper comebacks to stand her ground. She had to admit, not many had enough character to be able deal with Katie, she was impressed. She didn't need any help, nope, Naomi was perfectly capable of handling her sister and the wink she send Emily made her explode in laughter, yes, she liked the girl. _

* * *

"You see" Emily started, downing a shot of some strawberry liqueur they found in the cupboard. "Normally people are either intimidated by Katie and piss themselves in fear or they hate her and leave after a bitch-fest. But Naomi actually loves my sister's weird ways, she found her amusing from the very first time she was manhandled by her on the street."

* * *

_"Since we established that Naomi does like your Chucks Kay, what do you say, Ems and I go to the swings with Bence. You two can talk." Effy didn't wait for an answer as she took Emily's hand and pulled her into the direction of the swings. She yelled for Bence to follow them but he stayed behind. Probably awestruck by Naomi. _

"_So what you think baby?" Effy asked, softly squeezing Emily's hand. "Quite a looker ay?" The redhead shrugged, looking over her shoulder at Naomi kneeling in front of her nephew, trying to make him stop be weary of her. Nice gesture she had to admit. Most adults talked to kids from high above, mentally and physically, she liked that Naomi went down to his eye level. "Yeah sure. Do you think they'll be together?" _

"_I know so." Her beautiful girlfriend sat down on the bench and they both grinned at Katie who joined them, leaving Naomi to chase after Bence. "Awe, someone's in lurve." Effy teased, getting jabbed in the rips by Emily for it, even though the redhead started making kissing noises at her blushing, but still grinning sister. _

_Emily's eyes followed Bence of their own, like always when none of the family were within reach distance from him and she grinned. Bence was falling and Naomi turned on her superpowers and almost crashed into the ground as she saved him. Getting up Emily walked towards them, to see if the girl was all right, she looked as if someone had killed a puppy in front of her very eyes. Ready to cry. _

_"Are you hurt?" She heard Naomi's panicked voice ask the boy who couldn't care less. He was happy she played with him and his only concern was to keep playing. "Nuh uh. No ouch." Suddenly his tiny arms reached out behind her, and he fussed until she turned her head and let him jump into Emily's waiting arms. "Ben faaaaas!" He pridefully declared to the redhead; bringing a soft chuckle out of her. _

_"He isn't hurt, I checked. He didn't even fall, I caught him in time but maybe he hurt his ankle or something. I don't know. I'm sorry." Emily looked bewildered at the stuttering blonde, she was close to hyperventilating. "Oh god, you think I'm terrible, don't you? I shouldn't have scared him with the yelling and stuff. Now he's properly scared of me." The red head was looking very amused by the situation, and Naomi didn't seem to understand why. Deciding that she couldn't say a word without making fun of the blonde, she knew it was best for Katie to do that, her future girlfriend after all. "Kay, I think your girlfriend is having a panic attack or something." _

_Katie walked over with furrowed brows, silently asking Emily what the fuck was going on but the redhead only shrugged. The young mother gave Bence a Capri Sun out of a bag. Her eyes searched Naomi's, and then she raised an eye brow, clearly planning something._

_"Yeah?" The twins stared teasingly emotionless at the squirming blonde. Naomi rolled her own eyes and nudged Katie with her shoulder. "It's not a panic attack. I wanted to make sure" Leaving the sentence hanging Naomi sighed. It was obvious that she really wouldn't be happy if they kept on being bitches, so Katie grew a pair and did the mature thing, she tried to ease her worry and Emily looked on bewildered, not used to this kind of actions from her sister. Comforting someone instead of making fun of them._

* * *

"Oh my god, that's soo. Soooo awkward. Why was she freaking out like that?" Bex couldn't suppress the laughter, she was literally crying tears.

Instead of defending Naomi like she should, Emily was in serious pain of laughing like a maniac as she remembered that incident. It was one of her most favourite memories, the image of Naomi practically tumbling over her own feet as she grabbed the wobbling boy was stored in her mind forever.

"I have no idea, asked about a tons of times but she keeps being embarrassed by that."

* * *

_"He's a kid Naomi. He runs around and falls. He gets bruises and scratches. This is absolutely normal. I mean, did you see how he wobbles around? Why do you think we play catch the whole time? That way we manage to catch him before he falls. Besides, he didn't fell, did he? You caught him so he's happy. He's pretty much in love with you because you played with him. Stop worrying. It's no big deal, okay?" Katie's reassuring did help, and Naomi was finally able to relax again. She nodded, letting a small laugh escape._

_Emily thought that it was cute, the way Naomi so desperately tried to make an good impression. "Good. Relax. Effy wants to take Bence for ice cream. Would you like to join us?" Big brown eyes bored into blue ones,challenging her, but Naomi shook her head. "I'm sorry, I'm not really in the mood." She smiled apologetically and shrugged. _

_It wasn't the right thing to say and the redhead braced herself for the verbal attack Katie was going to fire. But then something lots worse happened. Her eyes, they went from confused to hurt until they clouded with something Emily didn't like to see. Indifference._

_"Fine." Katie snapped before she stormed away, leaving her awkward looking twin plus baby behind. _

_Naomi's jaw set. _

_"I fucked it up, didn't I ?" She didn't wait for Emily to answer. "Okay, have fun eating ice cream little man." She patted Bence cheek softly and Emily could swear she saw something resembling guilt in her face...her decision was set. "Wait a sec Naomi." The redhead pretty much ordered, walking over to the bench where Katie and Effy were waiting for her. She left the baby with them and walked back to the blonde who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the green. When she reached her Emily sighed, throwing her bitching twin a dirty look before turning back to Naomi._

_"Look, Naomi, I know it's not really common to meet someone that age with a baby. Not in the literal sense because having a kid at 23 isn't really a big deal, but in the I-want-to-jump-their-bones-sense. You knew she had a kid, and you wanted to see her again anyway. I just think it's not fair to lose interest now because of him." Emily finished confidently, staring Naomi down. As much as she liked her, she hated it more to see her twin hurt and that was what the pretty blonde had done. _

_Blue eyes widened, and she frowned. "It's not that." She promised, a little hastily. Rolling her eyes Emily snapped. "Yeah, well it looks like it. I know better than anyone else what a bitch she is, but it wasn't fair to lead her on like that if you weren't interested. You shouldn't have let her get her hopes up." Emily had the feeling that it was a stupid game Naomi was playing, maybe she wasn't gay, maybe she only tried to wind up Katie for almost getting hit by her car, or worse; maybe she wasn't just a pretty, beautiful girl ready and open to love her sister. _

_It pained her to think that this sounded like a reasonable explanation. _

"Wow, you were a bitch to her." Bex commented, wiping the wet spots under her eyes. "No wonder that she was awkward, I can only imagine the sweetheart your sister is and then you had a go at the poor girl."

Shaking her head Emily bit her dry lips, longing for a pint of cool, iced water. "I know, but I was worried."

_Huge blue eyes told a completely different story and had Emily believe it at once. She would had believed everything with eyes like that. The following words were just a bonus. "It's not that. I didn't lead her on or let her get her hopes up. Well I did do that, but I AM interested." A tiny blush appeared on her throat and Emily bit her lip to stop herself from aweing. Instead she let her continue without ruining it for Katie by scaring the already spent girl away. "I just feel like a complete fool today. I was nothing but awkward. I just want to go home, curl up in bed and close the blinds. I'm not usually such a twat but Katie's presence turns me into a stuttering fool. It's really hard not to die of embarrassment, okay? If I were disinterested, she would not have this kind of effect on me. Can I please go now?" Naomi pleaded with Emily to end this uncomfortable conversation, but obviously she didn't want to leave any doubts about her attraction to Katie. _

_She had chosen the prefect words, but her eyes had Emily convinced of her true intentions and she couldn't hide the huge smile as it spread across her face, showing her dimples. Leaving was not an option if Emily ever wanted Katie to give the blonde another chance._

_"No. You'll come with us for ice cream." Not letting any time for Naomi to escape, Emily put an arm around her waist and walked her to the others who were watching intently. When they reached the bench, Katie glared at Naomi's sincere eyes making her gulp._

_"Stop scaring the poor girl Kay. She looks ready to beg for your forgiveness. Let's go. Someone's getting restless." Emily's favourite brunette exclaimed and jumped off the bench with Bence firmly placed on her back. Emily walked towards them and slapped Effy's arse, getting a chaste kiss from the brunette. _

_They let the girls talk in private as they made their way to little ice cream shop. Turning her head, Emily's mind was hit by Effy's beauty, as she laughed and joked with Bence in the sun. "Love you." Blue eyes locked on brown ones and Effy scrunched up her face. "Eww, that's sooo gay." Emily almost collapsed in laughter and planned on showing Effy how gay she truly was. _

_That was how it begun, a simple meeting of an awkward pretty blonde girl who was making Katie blush. _

_Present/ Emily's London flat_

* * *

"Never in my wildest dreams could I have known how _my_ life was about to change, how this awkward pretty blonde with perfect comebacks and talking eyes was going to be the only thing my mind would let me think about." Emily went to the Hi-Fi rack and put on another record. "I had no idea what a perfect fucking match Naomi and Katie were going to be, or how great mates we were going to be, what a beautiful, funny friendship would be lost among other things because of my own stupidity."

"Would you go back and change it if you could?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Hola, here's your long awaiting part two. _

_Now that we're all caught up I thought that I could update this. Otherwise there'd have been too many spoilers. _

_It's the same time as when Naomi was with Effy in that hotel. So you've got a bit of a timeline. _

_Have and drop me a thought, always like to hear what you're thinking. Oh right, this is the story how EMily managed to fuck up everything, so dont expect her to suddenly become the hero or anything. Won't happen. It'll just explain when and where and how..._

_:) _

* * *

"I need a shower." Bex groaned. With her body feeling as heavy as fucking bricks she was laying on Emily's bed, hoping to die. Her mouth hurt, her jaw hurt, her lips hurt, her bones hurt and she felt like she couldn't move a muscle if her life depended on it. On top of it all, after a night full of jaw chewing and word vomit she and Emily have spent, she wished for sleep. Yeah, dream on, she thought bitterly. "Uh." Was Emily's unenthusiastic response.

The twin was resting square across the bed, her head placed where her legs would usually be but they were thrown over Bexes' as the other girl lay normally, vertically. "Cant sleep, so sweaty." Bex elaborated, opening her eyes which were only closed because her body wanted to sleep yet her traitorous mind wouldn't let her. She moved them to the clock on top of Emily's dresser. "It's noon Emily."

With a groan, Emily fought her dead body weight and sat up, bringing her hands to her pounding head. "I wanna die, shoot me please."

A tired chuckle came from Bex as she moved into a sitting position, placing her head on Emily's bend knees. "I hate the 'morning after', fucking hate it, don't I. I'm never taking any shit again. Never again."

The thing with speed, coke, MDMA, or even XTC was that you felt like complete shit when you came back down from your high. If you don't down smoke yourself down with weed, you'll end up feeling like a train ran you over, fully awake. It's exhaustion in its most horrible form. Every hang over is better than not being able to sleep after nights of pills and powder. "I cant believe you don't have any weed, you always need an emergency Spliff for a situation like this one."

Rolling her tired eyes, Emily opened and closed her cotton mouth a couple times, licking her chopped lips before dry swallowing something that wasn't even there she was convinced. "I'm not a stoner."

"Yeah, but a raver and everyone knows that you need to smoke yourself down afterwards." Pushing Bexes' head lightly Emily made her fall backwards on the bed, the other girl had no energy to fight the gravity. "I get paranoid, just like Katie. But what ever go take shower and stop annoying me." With that the twin placed her feet on the cool wooden floor and sighed as she heaved herself upwards, stumbling a bit. "Just leave me alone."

She went to the kitchen and hoped Bex fucked off so she could feel like shit on her own. Without someone staring at her pitifully because she had said way too much about her past, exposing herself fully to this stranger.

Of course she regretted it _now_.

Making coffee she sat on top of the kitchen table and lit a fag, hating the taste everything carried. She couldn't sleep, and flopping down on the couch to watch stupid TV while she's in the eyes-closed-wide-awake-trance state wasn't as much _fun_ when Bex stayed. But it was exactly what she was planning to do as soon as the blonde bitch left her house.

Hearing the shower go off Emily groaned and reached for her house phone, just wanting to see if someone called and if she had somewhere to be. Her eyes widened when Effy's name blinked wildly at her, two missed calls.

What was worse, Naomi's was there too, once.

And it was Emily blinking at the phone toatally motionless. When Bex returned about twenty minutes later, Emily's was still staring at the phone with her mind elsewhere. "That's a phone Hun, when you push a button you can hear people talk." The twin laughed despite herself, the girl was kinda funny. "Very funny. No, it's just...Naomi and Effy called, I wonder what they've wanted."

"I assume it's not common that they call just to say hi, huh?" Bex tone was cautious and she moved around until she was leaning on the counter in front of Emily. Getting herself a coffee she kept throwing glances at the twin as if she feared she'd lose it and start crying any minute.

"Haven't talked to them since Naomi told me about Effy's...uh..suicide attempt. I kinda went off on her, she had taken the kids without Katie's content and was about to kidnap them to Bristol. Told me what Effy's done and threatened me to never visit her. I guess I lost it. I haven't talked her ever since. I just know that she gave Katie the kids when my sister drove to Bristol to get them. Mum told me all about it."

"What?" Bexes' eyes almost fell out, shock written on her face. "Start talking, that's not making any sense."

Shaking her head, Emily smiled sadly and wiggled her fingers. "Another time. I think I'll call them back."

"You think they're together?"

"'fraid so...if their not, something bad's happened." The sad smile, the sad eyes and her looking so tiny in that huge shirt she was wearing made Bex move forwards. She placed her hands on the table beside Emily's bottom. Trapping her. Without any hesitation she leaned down and kissed her gently, a kiss which didn't ask for more, didn't try to take things further, no. It was a kiss meant to only show her that she wasn't destined to for ever stay as miserable.

Sighing contently, Emily admitted to herself that she enjoyed the closeness and Bex being that tender at the correct moments. She moved her hand to her long hair and ran her fingers through it, forgetting the world and everything what's fucking it up for one moment before Effy's blue eyes popped into her head.

Like every time she kissed someone else.

Deepening the kiss Emily tried to move past it, but as always, another pair of blue eyes appeared and made her flinch away. "Sorry. I really need to see what's going on." She pecked Bexes' cheek once and jumped off the table, dialling the number she knew by heart.

"Hey Eff, are you okay? Sorry I haven't looked at the phone earlier." She smiled at Bex and walked to the balcony for some privacy.

It wasn't often that she got a call from either of them, even Katie didn't find it necessary to check on her and see if she's coping or _alive_. Her sister hated her.

She knew it wasn't her place to demand anything from either of them but it hurt. Knowing that Effy and Naomi had found their way back into each others life somehow, knowing that Katie was moving on, knowing that Effy was making progress.

It should make her happy but there was this tiny voice in her head that was always a bit louder when she had had a bad day. It told her that they could and did move on, that they were having a life no matter who was in it or who wasn't, they were _living_ not simply alive.

And they were functioning some way or another perfectly fine _without_ her. That bit was always clenching her heart and had her grit her teeth so she wouldn't cry.

Her mum had told her all about them, always felt the need to update her on the girls.

* * *

"_Emily dear, have you met Katie's new girlfriend? Such a lovely girl, honey, she is simply wonderful. I am so glad that our little Katie got over that blonde devil, can you believe that she's got the nerve to give me cheek? After everything she's done? How dare she? I guess I don't have to get upset about her any more, now that Katie's finally found true love." _

"_How can you even say that mother?" Emily had asked with a gob smacked expression, clutching the phone. "You love Naomi." _

"_I admit that I have been quite fond of her but that's changed darling, how can I feel the same about her now that she's hurt my baby again?" _

"_She hasn't." _

"_Emily, I know that you're mad at your sister for something trivial I assume, but that's really not a reason to" "NO mother! For fuck's sake just listen before you get all anti Naomi again." When she had Jenna's reluctant attention, the mother was dying to know the reason for everything after each of the girls had obviously decided to let her in the dark about it, Emily sighed and lit a new fag, staring off into her black telly screen. "Naomi's done nothing wrong, she hasn't left Katie, she never would." "But that doesn't make any sense! She'd be home if that were true, not crashing at Effy's." There was a clear edge to her tone that had to show Emily how she wasn't okay with her daughter's decision to leave the brunette._

"_We'll talk about Effy afterwards mum. It'll start make sense I promise. But you have to promise to hear me out before you freak out." When she did promise Emily explained what had happened. "I don't want to get into it too much but Naomi was protecting me. She had tried to give me time so I would get my shit back together, but it backfired. Because of me. I fell in love with her, mum. Cant tell you when it's happened but I have and it was slowly killing all of us. Effy had known from the start, of course she has, she's Effy, and she was fighting for us but I couldn't cope. I wouldn't find a fucking way to get over her mum, it was horrible. I had no idea how to deal with it, Naomi was everywhere. Mum, our lives where tied so fucking tightly together that there wasn't a week where I wouldn't see or talk to her. To make it worse I got the job in London. I thought I was being stealthy you know? But I weren't. Naomi knew and she...mum she was disgusted by me. You have no idea how it hurt to have her look at me with so much hatred and venom and disgust. It broke my heart. Then, one time I've kissed her and" _

"_Emily stop." She heard Jenna's sharp voice, the one she had only used when they had done something truly dangerous as children. "Naomi left her home, she left Katie and she lives with your ex girlfriend now. Neither of them belongs to the other, Christ, they are not supposed to be okay without you girls. But they are. Naomi's career is really exploding right now, she's got a new deal with some huge companies to translate huge best-sellers and read them for audio books. It's her step into the big publishing's world. She's bought a Mercedes, Emily. Instead of helping Katie with the bills she's went and got a posh car." _

"_But mum that's great! You should be happy that she's doing well" _

"_No I shouldn't. And what about Effy? I love that girl to death, you know that and that's why it always hurts to talk to her and hear how she's getting better and on with her life even though you are not in it. Sometimes I wonder if they even have truly loved you the way they promised. It shouldn't be that easy to move on, should it?" _

"_Katie is doing exactly the same thing and you're all over the moon." _

"_Katie is my daughter and she is hurt. She needs someone in her life to get it back together and the girl is really lovely and so smitten with your sister. It's refreshing to see someone adore her the way Ashley does. I'm used to seeing a sulking, annoyed girl always shooting daggers at Katie, it's been that way from the start and that girl, she is simply in love with Katie. Of course I am happy for her. How could I not?" _

_Emily sighed, obviously her mother didn't know how Katie and Naomi's relationship had worked so well for so long. They weren't people just in love, they loved with teeth and claws. They yelled, fought, cried, loved, smiled, and loved so fucking much Emily had always wished she'd have that. "If you say so mother." _

"_I am, and I think that you should be more supportive." _

"_Have you listened to a word I said earlier?" _

"_Of course, I just refuse to acknowledge that piece of stupidity."_

* * *

When Emily came back to the kitchen Bex was already half dressed, sipping on her coffee with a curious expression. "What'd they want?"

She rubbed her forehead, a scowl on her face, and sat down opposite of the blonde. "They were out in some town. Rented a room, Effy said she needed to take Naomi's mind off of things."

"Because of Katie?"

"No, apparently Naomi's best friend died not long ago. Ginia died." There was a stunned look on Emily's face, she had had no idea. Suddenly her face contorted and she lost all colour, paling visibly. "Oh god, she must be..._dying_."

* * *

"_Naomi love, you and I, your bedroom, right now." Emily demanded with a mocking glare, pointing towards the pub's stairs she walked up, leaving the flabbergasted blonde behind the bar. Naomi shook her head and took another order, brought a tray of pints to four tables and told her mum she'd have her break now. _

_She didn't listen to her mum's protests, instead she took two steps at a time and panted when she reached her bedroom, finally. "What...what's wrong?" Her eyes were unfocused and wild, moving around the room as she feared the worst. Emily smiled and patted the huge bed, where she had gotten quite used to hanging out on. She bombarded the blonde with questions she couldn't hold inside any more. "Girlfriend? You have a girlfriend? Naomi...what the fuck? How I mean, why haven't you...you should've said something. You have a girlfriend!" _

"_Oh." Nodding the blonde lit a fag and stared through the smoke at a confused Emily, patting her thigh. "Ginia. Right." Was her nonchalant response, it had Emily's eyes almost bulge out._

"_Explain? I mean, correct me if I'm wrong but I was pretty sure my sister was your current girlfriend." "And she is." The blonde smiled, her blue eyes calm now that she knew what it was all about. "I've been with Ginia for a fucking eternity. To be honest, when I met Katie I forgot all about her." _

"_But" _

"_I know, that's shitty. Never said I am not shitty." She blew the smoke out in circles, winking at Emily with a cheeky expression. "We have an open relationship, kinda. Well, it's just that we can do whatever we want but when she's back, things have to be the way they were before she left." _

"_How very Marina of you." _

"_Huh?" Blue eyes, so confused, watched Emily break out in giggles. "What's a Marina?" _

"_You're such a baaaaad lesbian. Keep going." _

"_No, tell me first why I'm a baaaaaaad lesbian." Crossing her arms, Naomi glared, bringing another wave of giggles out of Emily. Her lip's corners were twitching, she never could stay serious when the weird twin was around. _

"_All right, sulky. The l word, ring any bells?" _

"_You love me?" She pounced on Emily, straddling her in an over the top fashion as she cuddled into her. "Had I only known before, oh Emily, you very, very gay Fitch." They needed a couple minutes to stop laughing after that, and when they finally calmed down enough, Emily had explained what she meant with Marina and Naomi finally explained why she hadn't told Ginia about the new situation. _

"_I wasn't sure if Katie would call me, so I didn't see a reason to tell my girlfriend about a girl I met but wouldn't see again. Didn't make much sense. But then she did, and, I don't know. I guess I wanted to be sure she wanted me before I broke things off. It's a huge deal, breaking up with Ginia is. We're not just a open couple, Ems, she is all I ever loved and wanted. She is my person, my very own perfection of a dream girl. I had no idea Katie would make me forget all about her. I haven't really thought about Ginia in months, not when we started to take things further." _

"_You never took things not far. You've made my sister cum in the bright daylight after meeting her for the first time." _

_Grinning Naomi licked her lips, an almost proud expression on her lips. "I know. And I've kept doing that ever since." Emily's grimace and the disgusted shriek had made Naomi roll around the bed, laughing so hard she had to run to the bathroom and jump the toilette before she could had pissed herself._

* * *

"It's too much Bex, it must be killing Naomi. She knew her since she was a thirteen year old bitchy girl, it's fucking huge. I don't think a worse thing could had happened to her. Her uncle just died not long ago, but for her losing Ginia must be living through hell." Bex didn't know how to act. It was weird hearing someone you just met tell you that someone you never knew was mourning because someone you had no idea had existed had died. "You knew her well?"

"Kinda, well as well as we all have. She was sometimes there, then she was gone again. She was a traveller, Ginia was. Always on the move, always seeing new places and living with new cultures. But when she was there, she _was_ there. I had a fight with her once we didn't get on well, but we didn't not get on either. I knew her enough to be shocked if you know what I mean." Stopping her rambling, Emily rubbed her forehead again, smiling when she saw Bex fix up some new lines for them. Very grateful, she snorted as much as she could without having to clean her nose first.

"That's some good stuff. Your ex is pretty amazing, I don't think that my ex would have brought me drugs when I was with another girl."

"Yeah, she's amazing. But we're here to talk about you, not me. So lets talk. Tell me what else happened." Slapping Emily's arse on her way to the lines Bex grinned, her dimples making the brunette smile. She was kinda cute.

"What you want to know?"

"How about Effy's suicide attempt and how you beat up Naomi?"

Rolling her eyes, Emily wiped her red nose and threw her head back, waiting for the powder to run down her throat. "Apparently, my sister had a go at Effy and made her jump off a bridge in Bristol. Naomi was furious, she was with Effy until the first surgeries were done and then, well she went to London, to Effy and hers flat to bring some stuff. She made a quick stop at my sister's, ruined her stoned trip and then she came to me. I had the kid for the weekend. She demanded she'd take them back with her to Bristol. Everything was fine, but then she told me about Effy. I had no idea. She explained everything, but then, then she said I shouldn't visit her and I snapped. She said so many mean things, blamed me for her trying to kill herself, and then I punched her. I actually beat the shit out of her and she didn't even try to defend herself. I think after my sister found a new girlfriend, Effy's trying to off herself, and everything around, she wanted to get punched. She was enjoying it and me too, too much. Bence came out of the car and made me stop, thankfully. I don't know if I'd have stopped otherwise. She was such a bitch and I was such an emotional wreck. During that time, when she was in Bristol she must've met Ginia. All I know is that she hasn't been back in London since. Or that's what I thought. My mum told me once that Naomi is now living in some bedsit in Bristol, proper mourning. That girl said she saw Naomi and Effy on Camden's High-street two weeks ago, so perhaps she's been here, but I don't think she was back _home_ since she and Katie separated."

Bex took Emily's hand, their cups, and pulled the girl along to the sitting room where they got comfortable on the couch. She placed the brunette's legs across her own, massaging them absently as they shared a fag. "That's fucked up, all of it is. Why cant you just be happy? All of you?"

The twin shrugged, unable to answer that seemingly easy question. "I guess...you know what makes us special? Our specis?"

"Our brain?"

"No, no even Neanderthals were fucking clever. Had to endure day long preaches from Naomi when I made a remark that a stupid bloke behaved like a Neanderthal. Obviously they were fucking smart and our forbears. No, what makes us special, now, are our emotions. Right now, the difference between us and the other animals on this planet is our self-destructibility. In contray to what people assume, we are out for self-destruction. Every war, every fight, every heartache starts with love. We act through what we feel and, there can be as many fucking bro and sis' codes as stars, we will always be pulled towards what we love with no way to stop it. That's what's happened. I couldn't fight it, and believe me I've tried. So long and hard but in the end, the animalistic instinct, to have her, won and ruined everything. Because in the end, in the end we follow our fucking heart even though we know it'll fuck up everything, there's this tiny bit of hope, the 'what if' that we cant function without trying."

Bex sighed and nodded with a thoughtful expression, making sense out of Emily's rambling. "It's still fucked up, I wished you were happy."

"I was. I was so fucking happy I couldn't get enough of the world. I've had an amazing family, mates, nephew, a job I hated and an breathtaking girlfriend I've loved since school. My sister was happy, she had found the girl of her dreams and turned out to be Naomi's dream girl as well and everything was just fucking amazing. It were too good, I think. The problem is, too much has to happen for me to be happy again. I'd need to get Effy back, which is ridiculous, she'd never take me back after what I did. Katie and Naomi would need to figure a way out to be together again and the worst thing, I think the most impossible one? I'd have see Naomi as nothing else except for a mate and my sister in law. And that's where the problem lies. I've no idea if things could ever be okay again, if I'd ever stop being stupid when she's around. Even if I tried, would I still hold those feelings and only suppress them because I know what they did once before? Naomi would always wonder and she'd be suspicious, with every right to do so. Effy, would Effy ever trust me fully around Naomi again? Would it break their friendship completely? Could Katie let me back into her life without observing every look I give Naomi? There's no way we all could have what we want, and be together."

There was a weird look on Bexes' face and suddenly she bounced upwards, grasping Emily's arms excitedly. "You don't have to. Just go back to Effy, and leave Naomi to fix things with you sister."

"Right. And then?"

"And then you stay out of their life. You'll be happy with Effy and you'll be distanced enough not to butt in into their relationship. That's the idea Emily." She was practically beaming at the hesitating twin. "You could be happy again."

"What makes you think Effy would give me another chance?"

"What you said. Everything you told me about Effy and how she's reacted to everything screams just how much she loves you. I don't think she's able to live without you."

"But she is. She does."

"Barley."

Biting her lip Emily looked to the wall at a framed picture of her Effy. It was huge and they were out on a fancy dress party. Effy was wearing nothing but a button down shirt, her sleeves rolled up, and had a fake gun (Mr. And Mrs. Smith style), her hair was huge and she was smirking at a barley dressed Emily who was wearing a skin tight Lara Croft suit. It was a Hollywood themed party and they had decided to dress as Angelina Jolie in her diverse roles. They must have been about twenty back then, she couldn't remember much of the party but that picture was amazing and they were looking at each other so intently that she had to put it up everywhere she lived. It was a mix between abiding love and earth shattering lust, their expressions were. "How could I ever expect her to trust me again?"

That was the true problem.

Emily thought that Effy might even take her back if she only tried hard enough, but what then? Could they really start again where they had left off? Was it possible? Their relationship had been solid and build on the knowledge that no matter what was happening, how much they were getting on each others nerves and throats, they had fun and knew they loved one another. That was something they had never doubted, how would that work?

"So Effy knew about you and Naomi from the start?"

"I think so."

* * *

_Emily was working late and she had stopped long ago to pretend that she didn't hate every fucking customer that decided two PM was the perfect time for a snack and pint. She was glaring at every new crowd of teenagers marching in with drunken smiles and slurring words. _

_The next group of people came in and they were so fucking loud she had to take a calming breath. Sleep was something she hadn't had much of lately and there was definitely something something wrong with Effy, so having another group of loud, obnoxious wannabe hipsters was something she could really pass out on. Turning her head to give the loudest a piece of her mind Emily raised her brows in amusement. _

_On the counter, steadied on her elbows, was Naomi. _

_She sported that drunken lopsided grin she always wore after reaching certain level of intoxication, her blue eyes shining. Seeing the huge saucer like pupils had Emily knowing exactly why she was so happy. "Hello Naomi, you're looking good. Hope you've had fun tonight, tomorrow will be a right bitch."_

_Pointing a swaying finger at something close to Emily's head with narrowed, awfully concentrated eyes Naomi smirked. "You better not be talking about your sister, Ems or I'll have to protect her honour." _

"_That right?"_

"_Yup. I'd march up to you and challenge you in fencing." _

"_Fencing?"_

"_Uh huh. That's what knights do Emily." Shaking her head, as if she was disappointed that Emily didn't know that, Naomi sighed. _

_Giggling the twin smiled at the clearly off her face girl and handed her a shot of Tequila. "Awe, thank you Ems, you always know what a drunk Naomi needs." She downed it, grimacing like never before, then she shuddered. "Buh, that's disgusting. Can I have another one please?" _

_Recovering from her laughing fit, Emily filled up four more shots and shared them, expertly with Naomi. "YAY! Ems' drinking! Nancy, come on I wanna intro..intru..int...come meet a girl." Another wave of giggles rippled through Emily as she watched Naomi swaying, yelling at the top of her lungs so some girl dancing by the jukebox would listen. "NANCY!" _

_She rolled her eyes and turned back to Emily, grinning. "She's well stupid, every time she has more than five pints she's turning into this sex-opsessed dapper trying to shag every bloke and girl that's not out of her reach fast enough." Pondering over something Naomi's eyes widened and she shook her head vehemently. "NO! Emily I'd never do that."_

_She knew what Naomi had thought about but it was more fun to watch her make a tit out of herself. "Yeah? What? I don't think I can read your mind yet."_

"_Well...you know." A pointing look, with a raised brow which looked like she was a having a stroke as she nudged her head towards the ground (Emily would never find out why she was doing that) was her elobaration. _

"_What? The floor?"_

"_No Emily." Sighing she pushed herself up on her elbows and almost lost her balance but Emily's hands were already steadying her. When she was close enough she almost swallowed the twin's ear while loudly whispering, and spitting into it. "I never cheat on Katie." _

"_I'm certainly glad to hear that."_

"_Yeah, no. Never. Like, why would I right?"_

"_Right."_

"_She's just so perfect and she makes me laugh. I like that she makes me laugh."_

"_That's really good Naomi."_

"_And she's always yelling, that makes me laugh as well. She gets all red and her vein starts popping out so I always pretend not to laugh any more. But I do because she's cute."_

"_Right."_

"_And then when she's reeeeally angry, she slams me against the next best surface and fucks my brains out."_

_Looking awfully proud of herself, Naomi raised her brows, awaiting Emily's excitement about that but her face fell when the twin's face was set in a grimace. "Don't look like that. You'll be all wrinkly. You should be happy for me."_

"_Well, I'm glad you're getting some."_

"_Some?" Laughing the place down Naomi clutched her sides and sat on top of the bar counter, making Emily's eyes search the bar for the manager but he was out of sight. "Ems! You crack me up you old joker you. She's so fucking eager I sometimes pretend that I have to pee only so I can catch a breath." Something made her backtrack hastily. "Oh, but I never do that so she stops. I go back and keep going where we've left of, so don't think I'm some prude and your sister dries out."_

_Brown eyes couldn't widen more if they tried, and Emily was really trying not to shudder. "Uh..well, hm, that's, that's something Naomi."_

"_I know, right?" And then there was the laughter again, turning heads and making people smile at the clearly pissed girl. "Come on, lets go."_

"_What? Where?" _

"_Dunno, lets get burgers." _

"_But everything's closed."_

"_Not McDonald's, no. So come on."_

"_I'm working."_

_And Naomi didn't care. _

_She jumped off the counter, to Emily's side and was pushing her towards the door. The twin managed to shout at her co-worker that she was being kidnapped and to stop Naomi, but the gay Jerry only waved at them and wished her fun, promising to cover for her. _

_Emily had never been that scared in her entire life. _

_Sitting behind Naomi on a scooter, in the middle of the night, with a drunk driving that death trap had her a tiny bit fearing for her life. "WOHOOOO!" Naomi's wild turning left had her almost fly off, but then they were off the road and on their way, slowly, up a hill. "Should we push?"_

"_No."_

"_But we'd be faster."_

"_Enjoy it."_

"_But"_

"_I said; Enjoy it."_

"_I'm bored Naomi."_

"_I'm enjoyable."_

_Shaking her head with a grin Emily decided to stop arguing as the blonde sounded utterly wounded by her pleas to walk. _

_When they reached the top, after ages, Emily jumped off the scooter and was fighting the helmet which seemed to be stuck. She heard laughter, open and so fucking amused laughter she'd have been pissed if it were someone else pointing at her, while almost rolling on the ground. "A hand please? Only when you finished laughing of course."_

"_You need my hand?" Wriggling her fingers Naomi's nose cringled. "Never pegged you for that kind of a girl, Ems. Had I only known you were into the twin thing, now it's too late." She went to work on the helmet after swatting away Emily's clumsy hands. "Too late to propose the idea to Katie now, she'll freak out. What would Effy say? You needing my hands to help you getting off?"_

_Her joke was hilirous, to Naomi, and she almost choked on her laughter when Emily's glaring face appeared after being freed of the helmet. "You're so funny."_

"_I know, I love it." Shushing Emily she grabbed the girl's hand and dragged her, literllay, towards the panorama. It's the huge hill you could see all of Bristol from the top of, and they called it the pano. "Isn't it amazing?"_

"_Yeah. But nothing I've never seen before. For that you've kidnapped me, great."_

"_Oi! Stop pouting Fitchy and get over here." In a matter of seconds Emily was tasting cherry lipstick and she closed her eyes, paralysed by the pleasure she felt. It was over too soon though and the probing tongue, she sadly understood, was only there to place a tiny pill on top of hers. Why she was sad, she didn't dare to question and opened her eyes hastily only to be met with a knowing smirk. "You liked that."_

"_Don't be daft."_

"_You liked it and you know it. What's up Emily? Got a taste of that magical equipment" She puckered her lips, "and couldn't get enough. Wait til I tell Effy." The glint in her eyes showed the twin that she was taking the piss but Emily couldn't understand why her blood was running cold all of a sudden. Fear crept up on her and she widened her eyes. "No, don't. It was nothing and Effy will only be sad because of nothing. Don't say anything Naomi, please don't." _

_Even in her drunken head Naomi realised that something was definitely wrong with Emily, so she put on her best sympatetic face and shook her head. "Don't worry, Em. It's fine. I know you were just playing along, all good yeah?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_I mean, how absurd would that be? And pretty fucking pathetic I'd say since I'm like, crazily obsessed by your sister." _

"_I know, right." A fake chuckle, so wrong to her own ears left Emily's lips and she stared out at the city. Asking herself what the fuck had happened just then. _

_She couldn't understand why her hand was shaking when Naomi took it to pull her to the ground on top of her leather jacket. Or why she left the vodka bottle for a bit longer on her lips after taking a big gulp. _

_But she knew that whatever it was, wasn't okay. _

_They were both too drunk to get Naomi's key into the lock and broke out in excited chatter when a pissed off looking Katie pulled them inside. "Pssh. Will you be quiet? Fuck's sake, Bence was awake for half the night and why the fuck are you here Emily?" _

_Her twin wobbled over to her and threw her hands around her sleepy sister, squeezing the daylights out of her. "I love you sooo much Kay, sooo much." Awkwardly patting the drunk twin's brunette head Katie's eyes locked on Naomi's, she raised a brow. _

_She hadn't expected Naomi to cough and start, very dramaticly, explain what had happened and why Emily was almost pissing herself of happiness at seeing Katie. "Your sister" She pointed, "was working at the pub we went to. I never knew that. We went to the pano and" "She kidnapped me." Mumbled Emily accusative, pointing at the grinning blonde. "Anyway, as I was saiyng before your evil twin interrupted me; We went to the pano and she was enjoying kissing me a bit too much if you know what I mean, then we drank loads of Vodka and Jägermeister I had in my bag and we got talking 'bout you baby. She loves you sooo much that she had to come here and tell you. So I brought her." Finishing with a proud smile and her arms stretched out wide, as if to say; see?, Naomi was almost tackled to the ground when a laughing Katie pounced on her. She was kissing every part of her face, hugging her close. "God, you're so fucking adorable."_

"_Uh no. Not adorable, Katie I'm sexy and really charming."_

"_Yeah, sure." _

"_No! Stop and tell me I'm sexy and charming." _

_Looking up, Katie bit her lip to stop herself from cooing and nodded, as serious as she could. "You're unbelievable sexy and surely I'll never meet anyone as charming as you are. Especially when you're drunk."_

"_Especially."_

"_That's what I said."_

_Turning to a closed eyed Emily Naomi shrieked, laughing. "That's what she said! Ha! Get it?" _

"_So funny." Effy's drawled yawn responded as she magically appeared out of nowhere, or from the threshold of the bedroom where she had been standing all the time. Pulling Emily into her arms she kissed her forehead and brown eyes opened to stare right into blue. Effy kissed her girlfriend, then looked at her again, almost as if she was trying to figure something out. _

_Raising both brows in astonishment Naomi formed an O with her lips. "Wow, Effy you're good. I've kissed Ems earlier giving her a pill." _

_But Effy shook her head and waved the lame explanation away, smiling genuinely at Naomi to show her that she shouldn't worry. Then her probing eyes were back on Emily who seemed to shrink with every passing second. _

"_You can take the sofa." Katie pointed at the thing. "Good night."_

* * *

Bex was staring at Emily wide eyed. "This, this happened before they were moved in together?" The twin looked away, kinda ashamed by her own admission. "Wow, she so knew."

"I know."

But something about that memory had her fight tears and while she wiped her eyes discretely, Emily looked at a picture of herself with Katie making faces at the camera. She was missing her sister.

It was instinct, not a thought through decision when she picked up the phone and dialled the number she knew by heart. Katie picked up after about ten rings, breathing into the phone without saying anything. Her sister knew, it was her turn. She had to talk and she should be grateful that Katie had picked up at all.

"I miss you." Were the only words she could form while stopped fighting the tears and simply wiped them with the hem of her shirt. "I miss you so much Kay it breaks me every day."

But Katie didn't respond in the same way, there was only a deep sigh. "What do you want Emily?"

Their last meeting wasn't a good one, it was when Katie had been tripping badly and Naomi sent her on that horror trip. She had screamed at her cowering twin, accused her of wanting to kill Effy, telling her how much she despised her. In that moment she had done all that. But after some time apart and so much loneliness Emily couldn't help but miss that bitch of a sister she loved almost more than anything.

"Is today get on Katie's nerves day? Naomi and Effy have called last night too. Are you drunk?"

"No."

"But you're stoned."

"Well..listen Katie, I am so so sorry. I miss you too much to be banned from your life. Please, lets have a coffee and talk."

"I cant do that Em."

"But...but you're my sister. You cant ignore me forever."

"You sure about that? Fucking think, Emily. Think about what you've done to my life and tell me again that I cant ignore you forever. You've taken everything from me."

"I didn't take Naomi, god Katie I swear there was never anything between the two of us."

The shallow laugh, cutting her heart in half, made Emily cringe.

"I know that, you idiot. I never thought there was. If you still don't know what you've managed to screw up here don't bother calling again. Bye."

"Can I see the kids?" Emily rushed out before Katie could hang up on her, she heard her twin sigh again and she could picture her rub her forehead with a devastated expression. At least she hoped that she wasn't as indifferent as she sounded. "You were never forbidden to see them Emily. You _are_ seeing them whenever you call Bence to set a date. Don't make me a monster I am not."

"I'm sorry."

"Right. I've gotta go. We're going to the zoo and then see a film."

"Is Naomi there?"

There was a pause and Emily knew that Katie was glaring now. "I didn't mean it like that, obviously. I was just...hoping that you made up."

"Well we haven't." Was spat through the line, the hatred chilling her blood. "She left. Don't act like you don't know. Haven't seen her since the day Ginia died three weeks ago. She's back in Bristol with your ex, or they're in some shabby hotel room. Not that it's any of your business. Oh, I almost forgot. Here I go all defensive again, why don't you just go and try your luck then? She's single, so fuck it and see if she can pretend you're me. You should give her some mdma first though, makes her lose all her morals."

"Katie please stop."

"Perhaps Effy's up for a threesome! Or I'll just fuck her, partner switch to its fullest."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I hate you Emily, I hate that I didn't eat you in mum's womb you parasite. You have my children live without their mum, I don't think that I can forgive you for that. And I haven't even started with my heart that you've broken."

"I thought you are having a new girlfriend and mum says you're moving on?"

"I'd say; how is moving on from Effy working out for you, but you wouldn't understand it. Didn't bother you to break her day by day a bit more for years."

"Wait, does that mean you're still loving Naomi?"

"Go to hell Emily."

"Katie wait! Just tell her and leave your girlfriend, she'll be fucking ecstatic to have you back you know that."

"You just don't get it, Ems, do you? Stay the fuck out of my life."

The line went dead and Emily sat motionless staring at the picture of her and her sister, her vision burred.

"I'm sorry." Bex whispered, carefully inching closer until she had her arms wrapped around the crying girl.


End file.
